It’s been 10 years since my dad passed away. Holy shit, 10 fucking years. Just like all the decades before it, gone. What a ride it’s been.
When my dad passed away at 62, it dropkicked me into reality. This awareness and honest acceptance that our future isn’t promised. You never know what’s going to happen, as I found out a few years later with my 8 knee surgeries, divorce, moving, losing my sport, and getting fired from my job. Creating a life that I love to live was the biggest focus after coming out of that darkness. I’ll be dead one day anyway. So what’s the real risk in going all in on myself?
For the last 10 years, I have been keeping track of weeks to stay focused on progress. Slipping back into that soft warm nest of living with the autopilot on is my biggest fear. Like any other high performers, we have a tendency to focus on what I still haven’t done. This is what I have worked to rewire. That list of things to do before I’m dead is a never-ending, always-growing list of destinations, adventures, and goals. I’ll never get it all done. That is the beauty of it. Time to do it all is running out every day. Instead of being overwhelmed, now I can look backward at the progress and be proud of what I have done.
This practice reminds me I’m living the life I dreamed about. It takes me on a reflective journey of the last decade. This last 10 years have been, without a doubt, the most challenging, heartbreaking, rewarding, and memorable decade of my life.
These past 10 years have not been on autopilot. I will never return to living in a way that doesn’t feel authentic to me. It’s always been about the experiences and how they change you. Choosing every day to push my limits of focus, awareness, fitness, and creativity has forged this version of me that I am incredibly proud of.
Without my father’s death, I don’t know if I would have woken up as soon. Him dying and the realization that one day I will as well, most likely before I’m ready, gave me the permission and freedom to plunge all that I am into this incredible gift of life we have.